This was the day I put on my big girl pants and drove this big ass truck down Kellogg Avenue in Wichita to pick up my very-own-all-the-way-from-a-warehouse-in-California butcher block countertop!
And then onto to Menard's with a list that said:
sink - white, doesn't scratch, 22x33x7.5 inches
faucet - with that giraffe neck spout
those things you put in a sink's drains
stain
hinges
knobs
This was my first time at Menard's. One day a church or bar or psych ward is going to get smart and set up shop attached to Menard's. You will walk through the store, make your purchases, and proceed directly to the vice of your choice.
You know how on Survivor, the players put on blindfolds and compete in challenges? They try to do amazing feats like climb a rope and dig up a bag buried in sand and hurdle logs, and on the way, because they are blindfolded, they smack right into everything.
That's me in Menard's, except my eyes are open.
But I found this guy:
I literally showed him my list and he made it happen. Sink, faucet, sink drains. Boom.
I asked him to go with me to hinges, but he said he's a one-department kind of guy. So I found this:
Hinges and knobs will wait for another day. I couldn't decide what bra to wear this morning, which makes it seem like a bad day to choose 1 of 759 hinges and 1 of 293 knobs.
Then I stood in the stain aisle and talked on the phone to my brother-in-law (who is the one actually DOING all the countertop/sink work). Jesus' brother came and stood beside me until I hung up.
I know he was Jesus' brother because:
he appeared out of nowhere
he is the son of a carpenter
he was funny
he waited oh so patiently for me to finish my yammering
he made me feel like exactly 1 million dollars
He told me to buy this to finish the countertops:
And he was the icing on the cake of what turned out to be a truly magnificent Menard's experience.
