I heart fall

Just saying.  I really do love it.  Because there's

chai tea

mums

toasted pumpkin seeds

Halloween

crisp cold air

darker evening

crunchy leaves

and hoodies!

It is finally fully here.  So we picked the last of the garden...all of these - chopped them up for fajitas and soups and omlets and dips and all things good, and put them in the freezer.  

This little lady came into my room with these in her ears.

She proceeded to wear them for the next few hours.

She has passed Coping Skills in the Bartel House 101, and will here-forth be instructing the rest of us.

Ok, go enjoy your fall, ya'all!

pumpkin roll

This one stud I know turned 32 this week.

I met him when he was 18.  When he was 19 and we were busy falling in love, he probably mentioned somewhere in there that he is also in love with pumpkin.  I was far too busy noticing his biceps and trying to get my hair "just so" to catch that detail.

Fortunately, his Pumpkin-Mistress has not gotten between us because I bring the orange vegetable out every year in some form for his birthday.  I don't like a single pumpkin thing.  BUT THIS.  This pumpkin roll is deeeeee-to-the-lish.  Try it - while its still Fall!  If you stick a candle in it and sing happy birthday to Ryan, it will taste even better, I promise.

Pumpkin Roll (from Dawn...thank you!!)

3 eggs, beaten

2/3 c. solid cooked pumpkin

3/4 c. flour

1/2 tsp. cinnamon

1 c. sugar

1 tsp. salt

1 tsp. baking soda

filling:

8 oz. light cream cheese, room temp

1 c. powdered sugar

1 tsp. vanilla

2 Tbsp. margarine

Beat together the roll ingredients.  Line a jelly-roll pan with parchment paper.  Pour mixture into the pan and spread evenly - it will be thin.  Bake at 350 degrees for 15ish minutes.

Immediately, turn it out onto a tea towel.  Peel off the parchment paper and roll the cake and towel together into one solid roll.  Cool completely.  

Whip together the filling ingredients.  Unroll the roll and spread the filling over it evenly.  Re-roll it up, wrap it in plastic wrap, and refrigerate.  Slice to serve.

gifts

Saskia brought us the most beautiful gifts...

All things she either made or had treasured and was willing to part with.  True heart gifts.  The kind of things you receive that touch new parts of you because they were given with such purity.  And because they smell old and have the feel of things that have been loved on already.  Like really good really old library books.

Like this gorgeous antique purse and hanky...

She found and wrote out a poem for us.   My favorite lines...

To scoop up a bit of rainbow glow and bring it down to the earth below.  Yes, Sas - that is what you did when you came to visit!

I can't ever make my camera work right in the important moments.  Her face is not the same color as the wall.  Der.

Sage liked her gifts so much, her hair stood on end.

Thank you, Saskia, for spoiling us!!

fresh air from across the ocean

Once again, not enough time to chat.  

But this is my reality and it is sapping up every last bit of my reserves...

Every.last.bit.

But.  My dear cousin Saskia - who I haven't seen in 12 years - is here visiting from the Netherlands and has brought us SUCH fresh air.

We are kindred spirits, and she has allowed us to slow down, breathe deep, and take a good happy look at life.

The kids have attached themselves to her.

Sas is here at the perfect time and making me see our life here through a better lens.  She is a social work professor in Amsterdam, and has taken in as many different social-workey things here as she can.  We did a shift together at the homeless shelter, and she and Dad and Eva took part in the Numana food packaging event at Hesston College, plus other stuff.  She is asking questions and its coaxing me to think about all the ways people here consider others and give.  Which is good in so many ways - I'm caught up in the election and quite cynical to say the least.  And I'm just plain strung out on mama-hood.  So her questions and insight are making me breath more deeply and be thankful. 

Here's the Numana event...

They package dried meals for people in crisis and countries of need.  See the tall guy at their table?  He is from Haiti and a student at Hesston College now.  And he received and ate this food after the crisis there.  How cool is that?!

Ok - more on Saskia's visit soon.  

on pride and why it doesn't mix well with being a mama

When I picked up the Buzz at preschool today, his teacher greeted us with the usual "what an awesome kid, he did great for picture day, did you know he can play the drums, etc."  Then he got in the van and promptly flipped the "what a wretched child, he copies everything his sister says, he is forever defiant" switch.

I was under some delusion that it would be no big deal to run into Cato with the 3 kids to return a shirt. Simple as that.  Walk up to the counter. Return the shirt.  Walk back to the car.  Proceed in peace, love, and harmony.

Instead, it went something like this...

I hold Sage in my arms and walk ahead of Buzz and Eva into the store because they are fighting about who can get out of the van first.

I am midstore and hear shrieking and see them chasing each other like a pair of mad cats - first one after the other and then they switch.  So fast that you don't know who is chasing who.  Arms flailing.  Punches flying. Teeth gnashing.

I get in the middle of them - dodging limbs like a ref at the opening jump of a basketball game who doesn't get out of the middle fast enough.  I send Eva to the front of the store to wait for us and grab River's arm to pull him to the counter with me because he is flailing to get back to his sister.

He yanks his arm away and throws himself to the ground, tripping me on the way.  I fall flat on top of him - hard - while still holding Sage.  On the way down, I imagine this teeny tiny cheerio with a boulder the size of our van falling on top of it.  I don't break my fall with anything but him, and I feel the air rush out of him when I hit.  I cannot cannot cannot believe he isn't a flat pancake when I sit up.

He goes into silent scream, and I go into check all the limbs for breakage, oh my word he must have internal injuries, does he still have all his teeth, am I really still holding Sage, oh my word I just fell flat on my face in a store with my screaming children, do you think he fractured his spine, why does my wrist hurt, is that rug burn on his face really all that happened.

The rest is cluster of me getting the shirt returned, store workers doling out stickers to the kids, and us getting home.  I was so embarrassed and mad and defeated and relieved and horrified and grateful and amazed at the ridiculousness that I couldn't see straight.  Buzz must have been too because he was Silent Sam the whole way.

Then when we got home something magical happened. There was a dead bird by the car door.  (Dear God, please don't say it was the birdfeeders!  See my previous post.)  Just go with me here....it was so life-like still.  Helpless and crushed.  And it somehow activated that invisible mama-love and brought me into a space where the shaking frustration left and I felt sad for my little man who couldn't get himself together and just had his not-so-small mama fall smack down on him.

Eva played with Sage and I asked if I could read him a few books.  And this is why Every Family Should Have a Good Fat Cat...

Tyb always knows when we are a little less than our usual glittering selves.  When we need some purring and warmth and affection.  He crawled up on Riv and I and we melted and became gentle with him and in turn, gentle with one another again.

I'm ever so near the verge of laughing about the whole stupid thing.  I'll get there sooner than later.  But for now I have recognized the miracle of my pride being smacked away from me, moving with the moment, and loving that little buggar even when he is so very very very very trying.  Yay for dead birds and cats and zero broken bones.

squirrel nutkin

Life is just full these days.  I'm holding a squirmy girlie on my lap right now, in fact.  So this will be short...

We made those pinecone bird and squirrel feeders with peanut butter and birdseed...  

We went on a treasure hunt to the arboretum to pick them up, which was - like always when we're outside - magical and fun and p.e.a.c.e.f.u.l.

I've heard that you're not supposed to do this because the peanut butter makes the birds' beaks stick shut. But I looked it up and that's not true.  Well, ok, I didn't look it up.  There was no time.  But I just really don't think that's true.  

This little birdie thought it passed inspection.

"Let the beauty we love be what we do.  There are hundreds of ways to kneel and kiss the ground." - Rumi

dinner and DELISH dessert

Mom and Dad came over for an impromptu dinner.  

Memories of weeknight dinners of my childhood...

the four of us sitting around the table

bowing our heads respectfully when we pray

calmly discussing the day

four on the floor (chair legs)

chewing with our mouths closed

asking to be excused

clearing our plates when everyone is done

patiently waiting for dessert

Let's just say that it is now the same room, three of the same people, and...

well, that's pretty much it.

But we do have a good time!

new trick!

the 7 year old schools the ph.D

books

her Marcus-Gunn Jaw-Wink Syndrome is fascinating  

this is what happens every single time she sticks out her tongue

i-pad lessons.

yes, that's Dad on his shirt.  

dutch blitz.

Eva beat Grandpa in round one (even though he warned that he is faster than he appears)

quite a proud moment.

 tried a new recipe tonight. 

caramel corn chocolate pecan bark

and I plan to make it every day for the rest of my life.

I will weigh 300 lbs, and I will be happy.

Its from Cooking for Isaiah, with some modifications.

1 c. sugar

2 Tbsp. lite corn syrup

2 Tbsp. water

1 tsp. vanilla

6 c. popcorn, popped

1 c. pecan pieces, toasted on the stove with 1 Tbsp. butter and a hearty dash of salt

12 oz. package of semi-sweet chocolate chips, melted

kosher salt (you MUST use salt.  It MAKES this.)

Line a baking sheet with parchment paper.  In a small saucepan, combine the sugar, corn syrup, water, and vanilla.  While stirring, bring it to a boil over medium heat.  Turn the heat down a bit and then let it cook for 15 more minutes, without stirring.  

Pour it over the popcorn and get it all combined.  This is the part where I melted the spoon and got a blister on my finger.  Be careful!

Spread it onto the paper, sprinkle over pecans, spread the melted chocolate over the top, and then sprinkle on some kosher salt.

Let it harden and then break it apart.  And eat it!  Share if you're in the mood to be nice.

Blessed be!