sleeping bags and sanity

I think God gives us mamas an invisible thread of impenetrable love for our kids that runs deep through our core.  We don't know it even exists until we're on the brink of bat-shit crazy.  We call on it when they make us absolutely insane.  When they are so wretched and badly behaved and disobedient and out of control that no one else wants to be in the same house as them.  Its the instinct that makes us stay in the house with them instead of lighting ourselves on fire and running into the nearest moving vehicle.  Its what makes us check on them while they sleep even though they've been absolutely horrid just moments before.  This is grace.  That God gives us this indescribable instinct to love and protect and just plain tolerate our littles even when they are beyond intolerable.  And then God goes further and provides corners of laughter and fun just when we think there is none to be found.

For that thread of love, this week, I am unspeakably grateful.

I'm also thankful for

an amazing nanny

getting to leave for work two mornings a week

sleeping bags

stairs

laughter

that even when they're naughty, they are cute

naptime

Thank you, God, for my kids.  And thank you for keeping me sane.

TMI #4

I'm beginning to wonder if I might be going to some sort of Scandalous Vein Harvesting Operation to get my legs done.  Signs of this would be....

1.      I haven't seen a "doctor" except in surgery

2.     There are none of those fancy diplomas in frames on the walls that are usually in doctor's offices.  There is however, a collage of fuzzy pictures of the surgeon with her arms around her friends in what appears to be a swamp or some far-away 3rd world country

3.     When I walk in the door, the receptionists greet me by name before I even say hi

4.     I called to be sure I was on the wait list for the phlebectomy (fancy name for We Poke You With Needles And Rip Out Your Ugly Vein Surgery), and was given a tentative appointment for November 17.  I was called back that afternoon and told there was a cancellation and I could have it done this Saturday

5.     They do surgeries on Saturday afternoons

6.     McHottie, who says he is an ultrasound technician, gets to poke me with needles, cut my legs, and sew me up

7.     McHottie even works there

8.     They give out ativan

9.     Although I have cleared this with insurance, I have yet to see a bill

10.     They cut your paper shorts

But you know what?  I don't care how fishy or not fishy that place is, they are nice and they got me in 2 months early!  So I went on Saturday afternoon for the dreaded phlebectomy.  It went something like this...

First, she drew around the ugly vein with a sharpie marker.  One of the more flattering things I have ever seen on my own body.  So flattering, in fact, that I asked them to go get Ryan from the waiting room so he could take a picture of it.  Sorry folks, there's an invisible line of TMI that I won't be crossing, as super gorgeous as that picture is, I'm not posting it here.  She asked what I call it, and when I said "my treasure map," she labelled it.  Gave the surgeons and techs something to laugh at when they got started!

Then, it went something like this...

shots

burning and stretching

more shots

some rocking back and forth of my leg

snipping sounds

shots

McHottie making a joke about my knee becoming a sprinkler (of blood, I'm assuming?)

another shot or two

more snipping

and then the wrap

and then I glanced at the side table.....couldn't help it - the bright red color and my curiousity got the best of me......because I know you've always wondered....veins from your leg look like little slimy translucent worms!

I was extremely nervous this time - a little bit for the pain, but mostly to be awake during something so gross.  But like a c-section, you just lay there and talk to yourself like a beloved mental patient and you make it through.  

There are 23 cuts in my leg because they take it out bit by bit.  So what you see here is about 2 inch thick bandages covering each one, and then a tight ace bandage over it all...

Believe it or not, I'm counting down the hours to the dreadful tights (which I'll wear for another 3 weeks) because this bandage is excruciating.  Like wake-up-in-the-night-crying painful.  Its very very tight.  Not to mention makes my leg twice as big!  Plus, I cannot wait to see what my leg looks like!  They said to expect purple and lumpy (and I paid money for this?!?!).

About an hour after I got home last night, we hosted cardnight - with 5 other couples.  Mom said I was crazy for hosting a 4 course dinner that night, but we had a great time.  The only crazy thing was me trying to drink an Arnold Palmer.  For future reference, do not drink anything when you're on ativan.  Just don't.

So....TMI once again.  I'll do my best to make it through these 24 hours.  You do your best to get that worm image out of your head!  Good luck to us both!

butternut bisque

It's time for another recipe, don't you think?  This looks like Fall, smells like Fall, tastes like Fall....And its no-fail. YUM.  Trust me.  Yum.  Like most good things, its adapted from Simply in Season.

2 Tbsp. margarine

medium onion, chopped

2 handfuls of chopped carrots

table wine 

3 c. broth (I use gluten-free beef broth)

butternut squash 

1/2 c. plain yogurt or keifer

1 cup evaporated milk

2 Tbsp. maple syrup

optional seasonings: garlic, salt, pepper, onion powder

Cut the squash in half length-wise and take out the seeds.  Bake it, cut-side down, in a pan with 1/2 cup of water poured in, for 45 minutes at 350 degrees.  Let it cool and then scrape the meat out of the skin.

In a soup kettle, saute the margarine, onion, and carrots together for a few minutes.  Then throw in some table wine - I used a shiraz this time - enough to coat the veggies and still see some partially covering the bottom of the kettle.  Saute over medium heat until the carrots are tender.  You might need to add more wine - to your glass and to the kettle.  Add the broth and let it all simmer for about 10 minutes.

Stir in the rest of the ingredients.  You can leave it chunky like this (we usually do), or you can transfer it to a blender or use a submersion blender (like I did this time) to make it smooth.  Season it with garlic, salt, pepper, and onion powder.  Then cook it over medium heat until hot and ready to serve.

Garnish it with feta, green onion, sour cream, yogurt, peanuts, coconut, fresh parsley or basil - whatever is on hand.  This time for us was feta and green onion.  We ate it with warm biscuits and Ryan's strawberry-rhubarb jam.

Happy Fall!!

Botanica

 There wasn't school yesterday, and when at 8 am the only way to keep the two bigs from fighting was putting them in front of the TV, I searched the web for something to do outside.  Its always true that when they get into fresh air, they get along better.  We went to Botanica Gardens.  Best day ever.  EVER.

We got to watch a butterfly crawl out of its chrysalis.

And then stood in silent awe as it stretched its wings for the first time.

I know I'm a mama because the moment made me cry.  Watching my kids watch in silent wonder.  And watching this miracle of new, wet, unfolding wings.  And how, by instinct, the butterfly knew just how to hang onto the chrysalis and stretch to dry.

And then this happened....

That is going on the wall.  The old and the young.  And the beauty in between.  

I've been reading Rumi - the great 11th century poet - lately.  He would put it to such perfect words.  It was magical.  And we all - the volunteer, the kids, the butterfly, me - were quiet and reverent in this space.

I'll carry it with me for awhile.  I think Eva and River will too - in that subconscious place where children carry their understandings of beauty and God and age and new life.

Botanica is awesome.  They were the only children there, and we took our time exploring.  I don't know if it was the sun or the fresh air or all the carbon dioxide from the plants everywhere or the moment we experienced in the butterfly garden, or just lucky happenstance, but it was a rock star day.  We're in a season in our family of using all our reserves every day just to get along.  This day in the middle of that was a total God-send.

We found a little house we believe to be the Tooth Fairy's.  

Let the record show, if I die and come back as a fairy, I would like to live here....

"Be grateful for your life, every detail of it,

and your face will come to shine like a sun,

and everyone who sees it will

be made glad and peaceful." 

- Rumi

on happiness

What Anne Lamott says about wasting brain space on the way we spend our time...

"Whoever is present are the right people.

Whenever it begins is the right time.

Whatever happens is the only thing that could've happened.

And when its over, its over."

Maybe because life has felt hectic and I've felt weight on my shoulders recently - in getting things "right" with stuff - the worship I plan for my job, organizing our big Wednesday night program, making choices regarding our kids' activities, friends, etc., and forging friendships....

I've been mulling over the passing of time and the imperfect choices we make.  Imperfect is really the wrong word for it though, don't you think?  Because all choices are just that - choices - and none of them could be perfect anyway because the truth is there are very few black-and-white/right-or-wrong choices.  And how all those choices get wrapped up in layer after layer of days and minutes and lifetimes.  Sounds melancholy, I suppose, but I mean it in the happiest way.  That the knowledge of impermanence is what makes things bearable -  things like temper tantrums and spoiled food and saying no when we want to say yes.  And it makes how we deal with it all - the teeniest little choices - life-giving instead of energy-sapping.

There's a guy named Matt who has the suuuuuuweeeeeetest life ever.  You know I love to dance and to travel and to embrace new people.  Seriously....how did he get to do this?!  And can I do this somehow?!!?

Watch it.....and think on the happiness of this great big barrel of life we get to live!

So - time is passing, choices are making themselves, and we "trip the light"!

10ish on the 10th-ish...

So continues the "10 Project"!  Go me - keeping it up for 3 months now.

I'm thinking today on 

9.11.2001

the ebb and flow of time passing 

all that we fit into a day

how my littles are becoming bigs

all that there is left to do

the simple things that I make tricky

and on this cup that keeps running over...

this thing called parenting

I'm sorry to be so absent these last several weeks.  Its not that there's nothing going on.  Or that there's something going on.  Or that I'm bored.  Or that I'm crazy busy.  Or that I don't have things to say.  The boring truth that this parenting gig is taking all my reserves lately.  

Just plain keeping things running is all I can do the last few weeks.  

Managing our routine, feeding everyone, investing in new friendships, maintaining old ones, quieting my soul, picking up the house and picking up the house and picking up the house, my job, waking to Fall, laundry, extra projects.  Geez louisa, I'm stretched thin.

Some things on my mind as we parent two girlies lately...and a boy who will honor all that they are...

So here's to going forth and growing some awesome people!

curtains

Let's pretend, shall we, that I know how to sew?  Let's go ahead and throw in a sewing machine and endless time on my hands too.  Aw heck, let's go crazy and say I actually know where to buy fabric.  

Ok, ok....

The reality is I wanted new curtains, know of one store called Charlotte's, and bought some seam sealer tape.

Look what I did!!  Could not be happier with it....And it took maybe 2 hours to make 4 panels.  Grandma Birky could've done it on a sewing machine in 30 minutes, but I'll take it.

I want to personally thank whoever invented this...

Ryan says this fabric looks like "my parents' bedsheets from when I was little".  

Perfect!  I wanted vintagy.

And the name of the fabric is "Memories of Love".  Seems to be what we want from a living room, right?  And for parents' bedsheets, for that matter.  Win-win.

YAY!!!!!!..........

The room's new look is aided in no small part by these awesome new felt flowers, to which I am maaaaaaybe a tad addicted.  Thank you, PlaneJane!

On another subject entirely, you're kindly asking how my legs are doing.  A few people are interested in doing the surgery themselves (I suspect maybe just to meet McHottie?).  So....here's the unflattering truth...

It hurts sometimes.  And the compression hose are still hot.  But I do feel like its worth it and you should do it too.  If, for no other reason, than its easier than ever to persuade your hubby to go buy you D'Angelo's ice!  

So, sigh.  No sewing machine.  No endless amounts of time.  No sexy legs.  But I do have one crazy cute girlie and some pretty great curtains!