on messes and delight

"The opposite of depression is not happiness, its delight"

- Richard Rolheiser

It seems the center console of my (sigh) minivan makes a dandy illustration for the mess that is my life.

crusted bowl from oatmeal breakfast on the run
someone's sock
church bulletin
Sage's pipecleaner spider
a bank deposit slip
a pen that doesn't write
half a syringe (what in all the world!?)
a clothespin (again, what?! I hug trees but don't hang up clothes.)
half a dollar
and underneath it, overhead transparencies and a stuffed horse purse (ok, mother of all what?!)

On a bad day, this mess makes me mad.  Just plain mad at life for being so messy, and mad that I'm in charge of making the little people wear two socks, and mostly mad that I drive a minivan.

On a good day, this mess makes me beyond happy.  Just plain delighted that those little people are mine, and we have wheels, and that I get to do this day.

Author Gregory Boyle adds this comment on that quote by Rolheiser:

"After all, we breathe in the Spirit that delights in our being.  

We don't breathe in the Spirit that just sort of puts up with our mess. 

Its about delight."

Now that is the Spirit I so want to breathe!

Baked

This baby is now 3 days overdue, and she is all I can think about!

So I made hospital cookies.  Just to you know remind the universe that we are indeed ready.  

My friend and I brought a plate of these when we visited each another in the hospital after our babies came.  For 4 babies.  They somehow master the greatest consistency ever of cookie dough yet still baked cookie.  Exactly what the doctor ordered.

You know that jello they give you for every meal after a c-section?  It was these cookies and jello breakfast, noon, and night.  And middle of the night.  And pre-dawn.

So baby, come on out, the cookies are baked and so are you!!!!!!

Hospital Cookies

2/3 c. butter flavored crisco

1/2 c. raw sugar

1/2 c. brown sugar

1 egg

1 tsp. vanilla

1 1/2 c. flour

1 tsp. salt

1 tsp. baking soda

1/3 c. chocolate chips

1/4 c. butterscotch chips

Cream together the crisco, sugars, egg, and vanilla.  Sift together the flour, baking soda, and salt.  Don't skip the sifting even though today's flour supposedly doesn't need it.  You just have to do it anyway.  Its important.  Mix the two mixtures together.  Add the chocolate and butterscotch chips.  You can go just chocolate chips if you want, but the butterscotch gives cookie the even more of a doughy, buttery flavor.

Roll into 1 inch balls and bake at 375 degrees for 9 minutes.  Don't overbake.  Even if your name is Tami, don't bake them a second longer.  Just let them cool for 2 minutes on the pan before taking them off.

I usually make these with Silvana's Flour substitute instead of the flour it calls for, and they turn out just as good.  See the GF waffles recipe for the flour ingredients.  You might try letting them chill for a little while in the fridge before baking them if you go GF.

Quiche Cups

Just when you're convinced that you have the worst behaved children on earth and that you will never again pee in solitude or go a full hour without someone in time-out, they go and do this....

So, you quick make some supper.  After peeing all by your big self, that is.

Here's my favorite quick gluten-free quiche for supper.....

Spray 12 muffin tins with Pam.  Don't be stingy.

Put 1 Tbsp. of small pieces of pre-cooked ham or bacon or sausage in the bottom of each cup.
Add 1 Tbsp. of shredded cheddar to each.
Add 1 tsp. of pesto to each.

Whisk together:
12 eggs
12 Tbsp. milk
1/4 c. GF or regular baking mix
salt and pepper

Pour the mixture evenly into each cup.

Bake at 375 degrees for 15ish minutes.

We usually eat these with a lettuce salad and fresh fruit.  Eva likes to take them to school for lunch the next day too!

18 hour bookstack

When we drove (one-way!) to Michigan for count 'em

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

9

10

11

12

13

14

15

16

17

18

hours, 

and then back again for all 18, 

River got to watch the Cars movie 7 times and I got to read.  It was exactly like when I was 12.....Dad mostly drove, Mom mostly talked and handed out snacks, and I got to zone out and not know or care what state we were in or where our next meal would be from.  Bliss.

So here's the bookstack...

Bootstrapper by Mardi Jo Link.......A great book about (ahhhhh! Can I make myself say this phrase?!?!) pulling yourself up by your bootstraps (there I did it).  Its light, real, and makes me want to be her friend.

Cooked by Jeff Henderson........He started out as one of the top crack cookers and dealers in CA, and is now the head chef at the Bellagio.  He found his passion in prison kitchens.

The Alchemist by Coelho.........A stretch for me because its a fable.  But its about the power of following your dreams, and hey, I need a dose of that.

Under the Overpass by Mike Yankoski...........A guy lived on the streets for 3 months and wrote about it.  It was a skim-it kind of book.  He uses lots of God-talk which was annoying and hard to overlook.

All New People by Anne Lamott............I've read it, but took it along because she always comes along on vacation with me.  A really good novel.  I think of it sometimes when I'm so sick of stupid people and certain that this world is going to shit.  "Just think....in 100 years....all new people."  Its a novel about hope.

Ok - go to your handy-dandy library and get started!

Here's the thing about Michigan...

The sky is huge.

The water is blue.

The air is clear.

And my family is there.

It makes me breathe more deeply, love more clearly, and stretch myself more fully.  

Situate yourself.  There are 22.  Here's where we'll start...

150 feet from Aunt Charlie's front door.

We didn't plan to get in, but they couldn't help themselves. I love this shot because they are the embodiment of what I felt.  And it makes my insides sing that my River loves water like I do.

Carolien and I haven't seen each other since our grandpa's funeral 14 years ago because she is one lucky Dutch girl and lives in Amsterdam.  I feel such a depth of home with her.

And bonus....look who else was there....my sister!  The older we get, the more the three of us look alike - and very much like our Grandma Ida we never met.

And Riv met his match.  They are several months apart, and played like brothers.  His name is Hesston.  Yes, really.

I hadn't seen Darin in years either.  We three used to spend summers in the haymow.  He told me about boners and I told him about periods.  He taught me to take a joke and she taught me how to give generously.  And here we find ourselves at 30-something.  I adore them.

We knew we had precious little time, and like those summers, didn't waste it on small talk, but went instead straight to theology and identity and God and family and drugs and work and good music.

My favorite thing about this crew is that we dig right in.  Everyone literally talks at once, and with conviction.  And still no one worries when you take time to be quiet and introspective and listen too.  When I am at my truest self, I am big in life and I fill up all the space inside myself and my friendships and my projects and my home.  That's me being a Keim.

Thank you, my family and my state, for centering my soul and reminding me of where you belong inside me.

proof

Told you so...

Ok, more tomorrow, but here's a hint....

4 lbs of butter

I'm headed to the land of milk and honey.

.

To see my Keim cousins that I haven't seen in years.  We are loud and affectionate.  We interrupt each other, don't agree on politics, share a love of our Grandpa George, love to reminisce, and just generally adore one another.  I can wait for the 16 hour drive.  But I cannot wait to be with them.

Here's an email my Aunt Charlie - who just moved to a new house on the lake - sent two days ago.  It will give you a glimpse of us Keims.  Take her times 15 more people and that's my therapy for the next 4 days.  Bliss.

Hi ya'all,

Hey, I am about the most un-ready person you ever saw that is going to be having a house full of company in just a few days.  I am so not unpacked.  We didn't get the place cleaned up till Friday night and into Sat. morning.  Just this morning, I got the little bathroom finally cleaned up.  I bleached the you know what out of that place and now it is finally clean enough to look at.   I can't find my throw rugs, but hopefully, they will show up sooner or later.

I also can't find my shower hooks, so I am getting some from Joyce to use till I find mine.  I did find the sheets and pillow cases, but had to wash them because of being packed so long and not being sure they were fresh enough to put on a bed.  I have 5 towels and need 10.  I hope to find the pillows.  If you all feel like bringing your own pillow, you may just want to throw one in just for the heck of it because I just may not find them.   I am hoping some of this stuff that I can't find didn't get donated somewhere.   I still have one bed to dig out of Wayne's garage to put up which they will probably help with on Thursday.  However, I am hoping to get a lot done tomorrow, but I don't move like I used to.  My feet are about ready to bid me adu'.  They have about had it.  I am having fun putting everything away in me like-new house, but don't seem to make much progress.  However, the rooms are all arranged and we have plenty of space to sit and look at each other when you all get here.

Anyway,  I was wondering if you all could sort of have an idea of what we could do for breakfasts on Friday, Sat. and Sunday.   If you bring a menu, I will get the food.  I just don't have time to plan. I am working on finding the dishes to eat off of and that is about as far as I think I will get.   Our plan at this end is to have fairly late breakfasts and then a snack type lunch and then we will all be eating together some where for suppers and are planning on having those at about 5:00ish.   My place for a potato bar on Friday, Brian's on Sat. followed by the barn show, Wayne's place Sunday lunch, and my place for left overs Sunday night.   At this moment, I have no food in my frig other than 4 lbs of butter because Joyce got it on sale.  That isn't really a balanced meal.   It can be added to one, but....................... 

perspective

"When you realize how perfect it all is,

you will throw your head up to the sky

and laugh."

A new-old-friend gave me this quote last week in the middle of my mad rushing at life, and the timing was exquisite.

I started a new job - Recovery Support Staff in a local addictions inpatient rehab.  I won't be there that often, but for the last little while I've been there 24/7 because they train the holy heck out of you at the start.  I really really like the work.  So much.  But,

here are a few facts:

1.  I like routine.

2.  I'm a teeeeeeeeeny bit controlling.

3.  I like my sink to be clean.

Lately my sink is dirty, there's not much routine, and ahhhhhhhhhhh!!! nothing is under control - not the laundry or the schedule or the meals or my phone calls and texts to return or my sleep or dang it even the cat!!

But its all about perspective, right?

Yessssss - it is all perfect in its imperfection.  And the chaos that it is, is the only way it ever could be.  And I'm laughing.  Ish.  Laughing-ish.  Ok, lots of times I'm not laughing and am just pretending I am.  Or telling myself I am.  Or hoping I will be soon.

I know the quote is talking about that big realization of perfection and chaos and a hearty belly laugh that says I accept it and love it all.  I'm not there yet.  Yet. But in the meantime, there are those precious moments when I am indeed warm warm warm on the inside.  Here are a few of those times from the last week.....

Sweet Kensie Lou...

Happy 60, Grandpa Doug...

Gel mani in gray.  aka, I'm basically unstoppable for the next two weeks.  Don't mess with this rockstar...

Shower for Liza....we girls meet our newest little in only 2 weeks...

What is it about a boy in a barber chair?  Its the cutest thing ever when The Buzz gets a buzz...

They are still coming...

First there was this...

Then this...

And really, why would we do anything half-way?!.....

Saved the best for last.  There just aren't words for it.  Well, except: Ten PM After The Kids Are Sleeping I'm In Love With It Holy Cow I Think It Maybe Just Saved My Life Icecream....

Laughing.