I was under some delusion that it would be no big deal to run into Cato with the 3 kids to return a shirt. Simple as that. Walk up to the counter. Return the shirt. Walk back to the car. Proceed in peace, love, and harmony.
Instead, it went something like this...
I hold Sage in my arms and walk ahead of Buzz and Eva into the store because they are fighting about who can get out of the van first.
I am midstore and hear shrieking and see them chasing each other like a pair of mad cats - first one after the other and then they switch. So fast that you don't know who is chasing who. Arms flailing. Punches flying. Teeth gnashing.
I get in the middle of them - dodging limbs like a ref at the opening jump of a basketball game who doesn't get out of the middle fast enough. I send Eva to the front of the store to wait for us and grab River's arm to pull him to the counter with me because he is flailing to get back to his sister.
He yanks his arm away and throws himself to the ground, tripping me on the way. I fall flat on top of him - hard - while still holding Sage. On the way down, I imagine this teeny tiny cheerio with a boulder the size of our van falling on top of it. I don't break my fall with anything but him, and I feel the air rush out of him when I hit. I cannot cannot cannot believe he isn't a flat pancake when I sit up.
He goes into silent scream, and I go into check all the limbs for breakage, oh my word he must have internal injuries, does he still have all his teeth, am I really still holding Sage, oh my word I just fell flat on my face in a store with my screaming children, do you think he fractured his spine, why does my wrist hurt, is that rug burn on his face really all that happened.
The rest is cluster of me getting the shirt returned, store workers doling out stickers to the kids, and us getting home. I was so embarrassed and mad and defeated and relieved and horrified and grateful and amazed at the ridiculousness that I couldn't see straight. Buzz must have been too because he was Silent Sam the whole way.
Then when we got home something magical happened. There was a dead bird by the car door. (Dear God, please don't say it was the birdfeeders! See my previous post.) Just go with me here....it was so life-like still. Helpless and crushed. And it somehow activated that invisible mama-love and brought me into a space where the shaking frustration left and I felt sad for my little man who couldn't get himself together and just had his not-so-small mama fall smack down on him.
Eva played with Sage and I asked if I could read him a few books. And this is why Every Family Should Have a Good Fat Cat...
Tyb always knows when we are a little less than our usual glittering selves. When we need some purring and warmth and affection. He crawled up on Riv and I and we melted and became gentle with him and in turn, gentle with one another again.
I'm ever so near the verge of laughing about the whole stupid thing. I'll get there sooner than later. But for now I have recognized the miracle of my pride being smacked away from me, moving with the moment, and loving that little buggar even when he is so very very very very trying. Yay for dead birds and cats and zero broken bones.