Eva has been eating gluten-free for 2 weeks now, and the change is insane. Ridiculous. That big.
She has had 2 stomach aches in 14 days and not a single dose of mirelax. And most remarkable of all, her outlook on life is different. There are much fewer tears, zero tantrums (zero in two weeks. as unheard of as our cat flying), she only yells a normal amount when her brother pesters her. She laughs more easily. She takes a joke from her dad. Often, she says "ok" when we ask her to do something. She is just clearly happier. I've ached to see her have a more optimistic outlook on life. Ached. And here it is.
I recognize that because it was Ryan and I that put together a sperm and an egg, it is impossible for our children to be "normal". I would be horridly disappointed if they were. But if they could at least like life, they could enjoy their uniqueness instead of fight it. To feel like we have a glimpse of that now has made the whole world sunnier.
My drama is this....
* getting over the stupid mom guilt for not trying this years ago.
* trying to stay upbeat and not mention Olive Garden breadsticks - to her or myself.
* overwhelmed with all this info. A lot of it is scientific. I passed any and all science classes in high school and college on charm alone.
* GF stuff is expensive. Great.
* Focusing not on Olive Garden breadsticks.
* Just plain trying to put on my big girl panties about the whole life change.
* Still wondering if we're barking up the wrong tree and her test will come back "normal"
* Still wondering if we're barking up the wrong tree and her test will come back "normal"
* Not thinking about Olive Garden breadsticks.
I needed an education, so I called in the troops. Looked up people I know that go gluten-free in their home and had them bring over a snack and their brains. I supplied the wine and took 7 pages of notes.
Earlier in the evening, the Chachi Band declared "Now, tonight is all about me." Ah yes, my lady, I'm glad to know some things don't change.
She barely said a word the whole evening, but played with her doll, the train track, and sat with her legs crossed pretending to read books - never leaving the room. I think she felt as overwhelmed as I did and because she's only 7, she got to express it this way. While I got to express my anxiety by taking copious notes. And craving Olive Garden breadsticks.
I hope that what she felt was happy. Happy to be surrounded by amazing women who claim the same disease that she does. Happy to be hearing what she CAN eat. I felt wrapped up in encouragement. And I think she did too.
We can do this. One day at a time. We can do this.
But do you think you could maybe go get me some Olive Garden breadsticks?