Shall we talk about this delicately or just plain discuss it?
Ok, we'll let the pepper picture do the delicate work. (seeds, ovums, you get it)
Let's have a discussion about something I think is on the minds of many at this current "station" in life, but that we feel weird evaluating out in the open air. Let's grab the power of SHE and wrestle through something we women should be talking about....
Are we done having kids or aren't we?
I have always always always dreamt of a huge family. 4 kids, or maybe 5, or if I'm lucky 6.
Do we have enough money to have more?
Can we find enough money to have more?
Can the children we already have expand themselves and shrink their own needs enough to create space for another?
Is my body telling me to stop?
What will happen if our new little one has special needs, and "needs" more than your "average" person - which is already so so so much.
Can our current chaos get more chaotic?
Will I lose my mind with 4 instead of 3 little bugs to tend to?
Will everything on my body sag even more than it already does when this is over?
Do I really want to go through more months of bedrest?
Can I bear more months of puking?
This is a person we are talking about....is there someone we should be bringing into the world?
Do I want to stay home for another 5 years?
And more than anything else, what is God intending for our family?
It seems that Ryan and I have this way of making big and little life decisions - like moving, jobs, cars, money, redos, friendships, etc. We sit inside ourselves, talking about it at random times, sensing our inner God-stirrings, moving through our days in awareness of The Big Question - whatever it may be. This method is not working for the big Do We Have Another Child question.
Neither one of us are coming to any kind of concrete answer in our usual way. We started a tally on the kitchen wall - yes, a tally - of days we say we are "done" and days we say we are "not done". It was Ryan's suggestion because he says I'm "done" more than I think I am. So far, he's right and the "done"s are winning. But that makes me sad.
When you are done, do you just know it? Is it just crystal clear?
I'm really really good with things being gray. I would rather not live in the black and white. It seems that when answers aren't there yet, its because its not time for them to be there yet. This is a big deal though. A Big Question. And I'm ever so ready for the answer to be ever so clear.
Advise me, and maybe along the way - one another. Let's talk about it.
